Facing the Enemy....My Family

I am not smiling as I write these words today. No, not smiling at all. Recently I reconnected with a sister on facebook and she shared this photo of me. At first glance one might think that this is a lovely family from the 1950's. But look again. Two beautiful little girls...in the arms of monsters. These little girls are my older sister and me. Anna was my mother and Henry was my stepfather. It looks strange to see him holding me in his arms, considering all he did to me as I grew up to the age of 14 when I left home for good. I look at my sister there and cannot forget about how he used her for his sexual pass time whenever he wanted. And to see my mother sitting there with a smile on her face, considering how she turned away and did nothing during all of the abuse. If anything, her turning away was every bit as bad or worse than what he did.

I slept in urine. I had my face rubbed in urine. I was repeatedly thrown down the stairs. I was forced to sleep in the barn with the mice, rats, and cow and pig manure. I was beaten so badly that a tractor was tipped over on both him and me and then he beat me more. I shoveled snow at midnight until I was frost bitten. I was bloodied, battered, and bruised on a daily basis. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the pain or take the lack of love and protection from my mother. She didn't care. She didn't even care about her grandchildren. She was unfit and so was he.

They are both dead now. They can't hurt anyone anymore. As bad as it was, I had to forgive them. They have to answer for all that they did. I only answer for myself.

He beat me because I couldn't hold my bladder. It wasn't my fault...and today I know that. Too bad I had to go through all he put me through to get to this point in my life....no child should have to live with enemies like this....but I did.

Life does NOT have to revolve around your bladder!

As I sit here this morning it is the dawn of a brand new day and I am 19.4 pounds lighter in just five weeks. I began the Weight Watcher's program and I am proof positive that it works! I am NOT going hungry. I am enjoying foods...and counting points is so much easier than fretting over calories!

With my mobility issues it is difficult to exercise, so I don't fret over that and am losing weight every week.

I can't help but reflect back on my life and what a journey these 57 years have been. As a child I was repeatedly beaten, thrown down the stairs, forced to sleep in a cow barn near manure, and more, at the hands of an abusive step father, because I was a bed wetter. Instead of seeking medical help for me, he beat me repeatedly each and every morning, often rubbing my face in the urine on the bed. As I grew up and left home at the age of 14 I always knew that I had a somewhat weak bladder, always seemingly having to go more than my friends had to. Now into my adulthood I have developed the bladder disease, Interstitial Cystitis with blisters in the bladder. As well, the urgency and frequency that I had to go, most often every 15 minutes with little to no relief from the urge to go all day long and all night. I knew that I couldn't live much longer like this in such an intollerable condition. Life revolved completely around my bladder, where the bathrooms were, if I went anywhere at all. Often I would have to wear a pad if I went anywhere because I just couldn't hold my bladder.

It has been alittle more than a year now since I have had my InterStim. It has completely changed my life. Just five short weeks ago I began the weight watchers program and am already down 19.4 pounds. I could have never gone to the meetings withough fretting about needing to go to the bathroom. Now I can go to the weekly meeting and come home and no worries about accidents or running to the toilet the minute I get home.

When you have a bladder problem your life literally revolves around your bladder. But it doesn't have to. Talk to your Dr. about your bladder and research the InterStim. I am no Doctor and I would never recommend anything medically to anyone. I can only say that for me it has changed my life and my life no longer revolves around my bladder.

Perhaps in a year, once I have my weight down....I'll take a drive up to Utah...stop by my Drs office.....and let him see the difference he has made in my life. He has given me LIFE again...and it's a gift that I am greatful for each and every day!

Anniversary

On Feb. 10th, 2011, I will celebrate one full year with my InterStim.

Thank you Dr. Crowley for changing my life! You are and shall remain the most amazing Dr. ever!

On the road to healthy living!

It has been four weeks since I visited here....four weeks of making a change in my life. I am now 17.8 pounds smaller and thankful for the Weight Watcher's program I am on. I couldn't do this without being able to drive to the meetings, wait my turn to get weighed, and then sit for the meeting and not have to fret or worry about having to go to the bathroom. When a person has an over active bladder their life revolves around knowing where and scouting out where each and every bathroom is wherever they go. I don't have to do that anymore. I go about my day and void like a normal person does. My health isn't it's best, but in the area of bladder control I couldn't be better off. Anyone with an over active bladder to the point that they are suffering, should talk to their Dr about the InterStim. It has changed my life. I HAVE a life. And, if at 57 years old I can lose this excess weight....then anything becomes possible!