Dr. Crowley, if you're out there.

I just want to take a moment and thank you for all that you did for me....and to wish you much success with your new location and life in beautiful Utah. You will be terribly missed by everyone, like me, to have been in your care. God Bless you.

This is a video a friend of mine made.

http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ7scAhr0K0

Incase you need this....

Medtronics Toll Free Number for those of you that already have the InterStim for Bladder control...

1-800-510-6735

Monday through Friday 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Central Time Zone

This is a 'patient ONLY' phone number

Please feel welcome

Please feel welcome to email me if you have any questions. I understand that people have been sending comments via this blog, but I have not been getting them, unless they went into my spam folder. You may reach me at pennyitforward at yahoo. We are in this journey together, so do feel welcome to email me if you have any questions. I can only relate to you from my own personal experience, but cannot give you any medical advice. Thanks.

Cystoscopy

Recently had a cystoscopy as pictured in the image here. How my Dr. does it is like the photo shows. There is a long steel rod with a camera on it that is gently inserted into the bladder. I am awake for the procedure. It's alittle uncomfortable, but not painful. Fluid is added to open the bladder up so that the Dr. can see the condition of the inside of the bladder. It showed my Interstitial Cystitis and a cluster of blisters, which I knew that I had. The procedure takes no more than a few minutes, and the Dr will discuss your condition with you. Mine was relatively unchanged, so I didn't have a biopsy this time. Usually I will have this procedure twice a year. After the procedure you should be taking an antibiotic for a few days. I took Levaquin for three days and am doing fine. You may have some slight discomfort for a day after the test and pass a slight bit of blood, but after a day you should be fine. Don't be afraid of getting this done. Having your Dr. see inside the bladder is the best way to assess your condition....and you want the best for yourself don't you? I do.

A gift

Out there in the world tonite there are many women (and men) who will go to bed and suffer through another night because of issues of Interstitial Cystitis and frequency. No one wants to talk about bladder issues, but to me, it's like talking about any other topic. I hate that people are suffering with these problems when I know that at least part of the problem can be fixed through proper medical care, medication, and even the InterStim. I do not take it for granted that I can now drive across town without having to stop somewhere to empty my bladder. I don't take it for granted that I now enjoy the luxury of 'sleep'...but I am also aware that everyone's journey will be different. Our health issues can be unique to ourselves alone. In my case, it started as a young child when I couldn't sleep through the night without wetting the bed. I was beaten severely because of it. Had my face rubbed in urine as a child and forced to sleep in a barn with the manure and the cows because I couldn't hold my bladder. Now at nearly the age of 57 I have reached a place in my life where life free of bladder worries is such a blessing........and I wish that same blessing this holiday season to all that suffer. It's all I want....to see people well from this relentless frequency......find a Dr. that will help you. Find out if you have IC and do all that you can to help yourself get well. My Dr. gave me a great gift...and one I could never repay....a gift of freedom and to be able to feel human again....perhaps for the very first time in all of my nearly 57 years. Thank you, Doc. You ARE the BEST!

My wish.....for all who suffer.

Below you will find a link that will take you to the Central Utah Clinic where my Urologist is now practicing. His name is Dr. Jim D. Crowley and I highly recommend his services if you live in the area. I am very saddened that he is leaving Las Vegas, infact has already begun to practice in Utah. He is an exceptional Dr. and one that takes great care with his patients. I was fortunate to have him take care of me....and who knows....maybe when the battery needs replaced, I can have him replace it. Of course, to travel at my expense. It's really hard to say good bye to such an excellent health care provider. Anyone who needs a Urologist will find a great one in him.

http://centralutahclinic.com/providers/jim-d-crowley-md

Well I'm not gonna lie, today is a difficult day.

Today was my six month check up with my urologist. Had to have a cystoscopy and everything seems to be stable in my bladder so I don't have to go back for six months. Sadly, though, my Dr. lowered a bombshell on me. He is relocating his practice out of state to Utah. There is another uro in the same office that will take over my care, but it just won't be the same. I have been holding back a cry-fest, but I have a feeling that before the night is over the tears will come. This Dr. gave me back my life...and I say that as realistically as I possibly can. I have gone from having a bladder that was complete torture for me, to having one because of the InterStim that is far more stable. I am sleeping better and functioning better because of this. If you have read this blog then you know that I was my Doctor's first InterStim patient. He did a perfect job and there are no words that will ever, EVER be uttered that I can utter that will ever repay him for what he did for me. It's really REALLY hard to see him leave Las Vegas, but I know that he will be well received in Provo and it will be a great place for him to reside and raise his family. I will miss him. Right now I'd like to cry my eyes out, and in actuality there are some tears flowing......but I will send him a card from time to time and I have a funny feeling that he will never forget me, just as I will never forget him. God Bless him for all he did to help me have a quality of life that allows me not to be married to the bathroom every fifteen minutes. This is a difficult and sad day for me.

So Hard to Believe....

It's so hard to believe that it's been 9 months since my Stage 2 InterStim was completed. I am resting better and not making nearly the trips to the bathroom that I was doing just one year ago.

As we go into the holiday season and especially Thanksgiving....I don't want to let this holiday slip me by without being greatful for the change in my life that the InterStim has brought. Of course I have many 'other' health issues to deal with...but having to visit the restroom 50 times a day and night, relentlessly, is no longer one of them. Thanks to my Dr. and to Medtronics...and to the people that developed this technology so that I could live a better life. Happy Thanksgiving everyone....all the best!

Wow!!!!!

I can't believe it's been so long since I posted an entry here! My how time flies when things are going well for a person. If only my health were cooperating as good as my InterStim has been!

I wanted to stop by and say hello to those who read this blog and to let them know that having the InterStim HAS changed my life. From the moment the temporary was set in place I noticed immediate relief from the relentless urgency that was like a monkey on my back that would NEVER go away! My body functions much more normally and I am greatful.

I will be seeing my Dr. in December for a cysto and a biopsy, as I have blisters inside the bladder related to my IC, but thankfully under no serious pain yet from them.

I am greatful. If it weren't for the fact that I keep my controller in a little purse and around my neck ANY time I leave home, I would pretty much forget that I even had the InterStim. It does it's job quietly and consistently morning, noon, and night, so that I can get on with the business of the things I need to do each day.

Yes, I am indeed greatful and thankful for my InterStim!

One thing's a given....

If there's one thing that the InterStim recipient needs to understand it is that just because you have the InterStim for bladder control, you will still have to pee. As warped as that might sound, I can remember the instant relief that I felt as soon as I got up after my stage one procedure and that I casually walked to the bathroom to use it before the drive home. My thinking was so weird that I thought, 'geeze, I'll never have to go much anymore again.'...but that's not true.

I have had stage two since February 10th, 2010 and over all I am very pleased with the results. But I still have to pee. I have gone from 50 voids a day to the very most being 12 or 13. Often I am around the 10 times a day range. Peeing is a part of being a human and we have to do it.

I still take things easy and I don't do alot of heavy lifting or straining, but that's just me and my choice. Over all I am very pleased to have gone through this procedure. I no longer wet all over myself because I can't make it to the bathroom.

Each of us is different and will have different results. Explore your best results! Hopefully for anyone having difficulty they can work with their Dr. to make this experience as positive as possible.

Bitter or Sweet?

Two people walk side by side on a quiet beach. Sharing similar chronic health problems they begin to share with each other about how they are feeling. One person seems to be worsening in mind and spirit and in physical condition, while the other, although still very ill, seems happy and upbeat.

When I went to my Urologist today for a test, I was talking with the nurse about how I am doing so good with my InterStim, yet someone else yesterday decided to try and tear me down because of it. This nurse was very nice to me and said, "You know, some people are just bitter people." I thought about it and decided that she was right. I am an InterStim success story. I should not be sad about that fact. If anything I am trying to share my joy with those who come here to read and to let them know how much further a person can go with a sweet attitude instead of a bitter one. I'm not well. As I type this I am so physically exausted that I'd love to go to sleep, but it's only 4:30 p.m. I slept really well, but I have a feeling that my vitamin D is very low again...so I am tired. It's okay. I will still do all I can to be positive and giving and kind. I will never walk away bitter or let myself get so sad that I want to give up. No matter what my pain.....I walk through it with everything in check....and not an ounce of bitter in me!

No Apologies

This morning I woke up greatful. Why? Because I slept 9 full hours. Since having the InterStim I have gone from having to go to the bathroom every 45 minutes (or less), to getting up once or twice at night...and now last night to sleeping nine hours. I will not apologize for the positive results that I have had from my InterStim implant. For me it is working, and working great. To have someone send me emails saying that my BLOG was not genuine or not telling both sides to a story was very hurtful. This BLOG was created to tell MY story, and should anyone like me to share their positive story as well, I will do that. I don't know if you ever noticed, but when things are going well for a person, you don't much hear about it. But the minute things aren't going so good, all they do is complain and bicker, and feel sorry for themselves. I have plenty of health problems that could cause me to sit in my corner and ask God and the cosmos, "WHY ME???" but I choose not to do that.

As you know many people contract cancer. They go on treatments such as chemo and radiation. Not everyone who subjects themselves to these treatments will do so well. Some will become very ill, while others will fare pretty well. Some people will find their cancers getting better while for others, it will be worse. There are NO GUARANTEES in this life.

I truly hope and pray that the person who treated me so horridly last night will continue to read my BLOG and to realize that each person who gets InterStim treatment may very well have a different story to tell. And that's okay. Just because I choose to take the positive approach to my health problems does not mean that I am not very compassionate and concerned for those who aren't doing as well. I do care. I care very much. I probably care too much sometimes. But at the same time I am going to continue this BLOG and share MY story. I kind of believe that there are thousands of people out there that have had a positive outcome with their InterStim, and for whatever reason, they do not take the time to sit down and share their story like I am taking the time to do. Maybe they are out there getting on with their lives and appreciating what has happened to them, for the InterStim is a great gift, and I cannot be the only person that realizes that.

I will not talk about this person who hurt me yesterday any further on this BLOG. I will not go into the dark pit of negativity where people are so blinded by their problems that they couldn't see so much as a glimmer of light shining on them. I am done with this conversation and am moving on. People don't have to read this BLOG if they don't want to. If I have any problems with my InterStim, I will talk through them and fix them, and move on, because things could happen. I could take a fall one day and damage a lead wire or something. I pray that doesn't happen, but I know that I would get through it if it did. I will make no apologies for being a success story.

The Lone Approach

A couple of weeks ago I recieved a shocker. My oldest sister is heading to prison. She has never portrayed herself to me for her entire life as anything but an extremely religious person, so imagine my shock to have to come to terms with her not being who she let me believe she was. And, as if that weren't enough, a few days ago my daughter's community of Wadena, Minnesota was half blown away by a tornado. The high school is completely gone. Half of the businesses and homes are gone. In a matter of moments everything was destroyed. As well, tonite I was viciously attacked for the approach I am taking on this BLOG. I will not repeat the unkind words except to say they hurt me very much and were unwarranted. I have created this BLOG for the purpose of sharing my story and the stories of anyone who would like me to share them. This is not a forum for the debate about the pros or cons of the InterStim, Medtronics, IC, or ANYthing. This is simply my story and how I choose to tell it. One of the nicest things the person who attacked me said, and still it wasn't very nice, was that I was not genuine because I didn't tell all sides of the story. She went on to cite some of her negatives about her experience. Well, to that I say, you are more than welcome to create your own BLOG and rant until the cows come home. We all have that right. Personally I choose to take a positive approach, whether she or anyone likes it or not. It's the only approach that works for me, and I know it is helping me on my solitary walk though this life. We each have a right to express how we feel in whatever format we choose. This BLOG is my lone approach to my experience with Bladder issues and the InterStim. If it doesn't jive with someone elce's approach that is nothing I can do anything about. I choose to be positive and to find the good. Life is not easy. No matter how together we are with other people and with the world....when it comes right down to it, we are each very much alone in our bodies and have to deal with things in ways that no other person might have to. My lone approach is to walk the solitary beach of life with as much positive energy as I can muster....until I can muster no more and shame on anybody who has to make an issue of that. They will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Retraining Our Mind and Spirit!

Hello Friends. Before you read the post about 'Finding Kate' please scroll down to the post just below it and read 'Retraining Our Mind and Spirit'.....it is the beginning of Kate's story....and in the future I will be sharing more about Kate...but for now...do read the second posting first. Thanks. Your comments are always welcome. We are in this jouney together!

Finding "Kate"

Dear Penny,

Thank you for sending me the postive word replacement challenge. I've been working on it every day! Awhile back I posted (on Facebook) that I had 'lost me', and I wanted to find 'me' again. Well, since I have replaced that negative feeling with a positive awareness, it just came to me the other day...I haven't lost me, I found the me that has been screaming out for me to pay some attention to myself. I've always put others first, always. I've always given 110% to my job. I've always been the organizer, the doer, the person that others would come and dump projects on because they knew I would devote 110% to it while they sat back and took some 'self time'. The diseases I am suffering with have forced me to take notice of the little girl and the beautiful lonely person inside of me. IC has forced me to come to the front of the class (so to speak), and give myself some personal time. I never used to give myself time to nap or rest because there was always something that needed to be done for someone and right NOW! I've finally had time to give to me. My family whom I have served for most of my life have found time in their days to help me along this journey of discovering me.

I think your positive lesson was the spark that lit a fire to my need for awareness. It's not a selfish awareness at all. I've learned to praise myself and tell myself that I AM a GREAT PERSON inside AND out and great people take time to nurture one another. I have found a sense that I am my own personal hero. I like what I see! I like to give, but realize that I must fill my own bucket first!"

Love,

Kate

Retraining Our Mind and Spirit!

I am like many of you. I have Interstitial Cystitis and I have the InterStim. Since joining Facebook, I have met and formed a 'sisterhood' of friends who are also sufferers of Interstitial Cystitis, as well as one 'brother' that also has this incurable bladder disease. The bonds with these friends are deep and real and have become an important part of my life. I want to tell you about one particular 'IC Sister' (as we call ourselves) and share part of her journey here with you. She has given me permission to share with you. I am going to call her "Kate".

I must first start out by telling you about a concept I discovered some time ago while reading a book. The author of the book was the Psychic Sylvia Browne. The purpose of telling you this is not to promote Sylvia Browne in any way, shape, or form. I do find some of the things she has to say helpful but I don't take everything she says completely to heart. That being said, she devoted a portion of the book I was reading to women and their problems with low self-esteem. If you are like me, this is a part of ourselves as women that we are constantly fighting a battle with. If it's not the issue of our hair, it's an issue of our weight. If it's not this, it's that! We have this inner part of ourselves that is always questioning ourselves, even telling us that maybe we don't quite measure up to others. Well, Sylvia Browne stated in her book that whenver we had a 'negative' thought about ourselves we MUST IMMEDIATELY say FIVE GOOD THINGS about ourselves. At first I thought to myself, "how stupid is this?"...but then I caught myself and said, let me say five good things about the idea. I forget exactly what I said back then, but the concept stuck, and over a very short period of time, every time I had a negative thought about myself or someone else, I would immediately say five good things about me or them. This simple practice completely changed my life and my thinking and completely eliminated my poor self-esteem issues forever.

My friend Kate has been having a very difficult time. Her IC has been so bad that the pain has robbed her of much of her life. It has robbed her of the job she loved and dedicated her life to. It has robbed much of her home and family life. IC is no respector of these things. The pain it can cause as the disease progresses is very debilitating. The pain IC causes is very very much real. When a person is in pain, weary, and seeing the active life they once knew being replaced by more time in bed with heating pads and not having enough energy to do even the simplest of things some days, it can weigh very heavily on the spirit. It is very important to talk about our pain and what we are going through. After all, this pain IS a part of our life now, and I firmly believe that we need to bring awareness to this disease and pray for a cure. Kate was not having it easy. Not at all. I want to share some of her comments here on this blog, and I apologize if it feels like I am writing a book, but this is so important and worth sharing. I will begin her story in a new thread, simply called "Finding Kate"

Interstitial Cystitis and the Cystoscopy

If I sound like I am a broken record it is because this broken record is truly greatful. Greatful for a Dr. that is exceptional. He is a true professional and as far as I am concerned, top of his class.

Today I had my third cystoscopy for the purpose of checking the condition of the inside of my bladder and the progression of my Interstitial Cystitis. For those of you who do not know what a cystoscopy is, there are a number of ways the procedure can be done. My Dr. performs the cystoscopy in his office in a special room that is set up for the procedure.

As a patient you must strip down below the waist and lay on a table. You must scoot to the end of the table. Underneath where your bottom is, is a stainless steel pan to catch the fluid that will be put in your bladder during the procedure.

The nurse preps you by spraying a pain killer on you and inserting the first instrument. Then the Dr. comes in and inserts the camera into the bladder. It is not painful, just slightly uncomfortable for about two seconds. Once in the bladder he fills the bladder with fluid and there is a light so that you can see the inside of the bladder on the color screen. I always watch. My Interstitial Cystitis looked about the same to me, if not slightly better. I did ask what some large flesh colored patches were and he said that they were scar tissue that formed because my bladder had been working too hard. The blisters are clearly evident inside my bladder if not bigger in some areas. The Dr said he saw no evidence of cancer, but wants to see me again for another cystoscopy 'sooner' rather than 'later'....which will be in December. I believe he will biopsy me again at that time. My InterStim was on and it would have been a chore to turn it off for a biopsy......so that will most likely be done in December. The last time there was no cancer in the blisters, so I'm pretty confident that I'll be okay until I am checked again in December.

For anyone who will be facing a cystoscopy, do not be afraid. It does not hurt and it's very interesting to see how your body is doing.

I am greatful for my Dr.!

Doing Great

Today I had a four month follow up check up with my Urologist for my InterStim. His office is on the far side of Las Vegas, and it's about a 40 minute dive by freeway from where I live. As I was driving and listening to music in my truck, I was also thinking alot. I realized how my life had changed from just four short months ago. Back then I was getting up every 45 minutes all night long to go to the bathroom, often times not even making it there in time. I described this relentless urge to my Dr. today that it must be like what a drug addict feels....it is an urge that just takes over your entire life and you can't get any peace from it. I was also lucky enough to meet the new Medtronic Rep for the Las Vegas area, which was really an awesome coincidence! I talked to her alittle and told her that I truly was greatful that my Dr. took a leap of faith and did this procedure for me. It's embarrassing to tell your Dr. how much you are suffering, and I guess I had put that conversation off for so long, that when I finally brought it up, I told him I couldn't take it anymore. I hate to think of others who might be too embarrassed to talk about their excessive urgency problems, and who just suffer with it. I often talk about the difference the InterStim has made in my life and I am amazed at the amount of people who say they are having the same urgency problem or know of someone who is that I used to have. I think to myself, it's so easy to talk to a Dr. about the problem, and then I remember that I, myself, was a bit hesitant. I am doing so well now that I don't ever want to forget what life was like before my InterStim and I never want to take it for granted that my life is so much better now than it has been in years. There IS help availible out there for people who suffer from relentless visits to the bathroom day and night. I found it through the InterStim.....and I am doing GREAT!

Getting on with life

Recently my favorite music group, Air Supply was in Las Vegas for three nights. I was able to attend all three concerts and NOT have to worry about having to rush to the bathroom. Infact, I did so well, that I actually purchased a bottle of water all three nights to enjoy during the concerts! I never want to take for granted the blessing of the InterStim in my life!

Little things

Time has a way of slipping into the future....and sometimes we might take for granted the special 'little' things that mean so much to our lives.

Today when I got off work, I reached for my doggie's leash and took him for a walk. Before the InterStim I would have to pee before I left work and be in a panic mode to get straight home to pee again. Now I don't have to worry about that. I am no longer married to the bathroom.

As I watched my little "Rascal" playing in the grass and doing 'his' business, I was looking at the beautiful Las Vegas Strip....the trees blowing in the wind....airplanes filled with happy tourists coming over the mountain to land at our airport......and just thinking about how much I am enjoying the simple things in life. I hope that I never take such things for granted. Thanks to Medtronics, the skill of my Dr. and a God that has blessed me richly......I gather joy in the 'little things!'

Contemplation

It's not uncommon for me to receive an email from someone who is contemplating getting the InterStim. They want to know how it feels, what the procedures are like, and if it helped me. What I tell them is this. I was going to the bathroom about 50 times a day. I now go 8-12 times a day. I sleep a whole lot longer, an average of 5-7 hours at night before having to get up, instead of getting up every 45 minutes. The procedures were NOT painful. I was awake for both. Just a couple of very quick moments of brief pain, but nothing bad or intollerable. The aftermath of my InterStim has been wonderful. I can drive across town without having to stop and pee before I get to my destination, and then have to pee again when I get there. I am not napping anywhere near as much as I was before and I feel alot better. I know that everyone will or may have a different experience, but what I can tell you is this. If you are contemplating having this procedure done, mine has been a complete success and yours can be too!

On me at all times

A big issue for those of us with the InterStim is what to do with the device we use to control it. I thought I would show everyone what I do with mine. I have a small black purse that has pockets on the front and back. It has a cord that is long enough so it can go around my neck. Wherever I leave the house, I have this purse around my neck at all times. That way I never lose it. This bag holds the device and the medical cards that I need to carry. I have other medical info in the bag as well, that I haven't shown for my other health problems. But as you can see, this little purse works great and it could one day save my life. I remind coworkers that incase of an emergency the paramedics need to shut this device off before they would give me any sort of electrical shock in case of a heart attack. This little purse is light weight and I often get asked, "Where did you get that?"

Let your happy show!

Reaching up

Reaching to the limits

Knowing your limits

Limits won't stop you though

Reaching up to the sky

Always pulling yourself up

Reaching that goal

Never knowing what's going to happen

Reaching up to the sky

Reaching...

Reaching....

by E. Olson

His name is "Hute"

He was just a small town boy who shouldn't have had a care in the world except to play and grow up happy. Sadly, for Hute, it wasn't so. Born to parents who divorced when he was very young, Hute would quickly see both his Mother and Father remarry others who didn't like him very much. Hute was bounced back and forth between parents and was subjected to years of verbal and mental abuse from both step parents. The problems became so great when Hute visited his Father that it was not uncommon for his Dad to take out his frustrations on him and beat him. His step mother was so horrid that Hute referred to her as the 'Dragon Lady'....but she was far from anything that resembled a real lady. After all, how could a 'real' lady harm a child in any way?

Hute lived a childhood of complete distress and sadness. As if the travelling from one home to the other and the abuse he was subjected to wasn't enough, Hute was sexually abused from the age of eight to fourteen by an older cousin while being looked after by him. Hute should have been able to confide in a parent what was happening to him by the babysitting cousin, but he couldn't. Things got to the point where Hute suffered a broken knee cap and ruptured colon at the hands of this sexual predator. But no one cared about Hute. No one was there for him. Hute was a child growing up alone and abused in the world. As if all of this were not enough for one young man to deal with, Hute was also wrestling with who he was as a person. It was clear in his mind that as he came of age he didn't have the same feelings for women that he felt for men. Hute was gay.

At the age of eighteen Hute left home and for the first time felt the freedom to be himself. This sence of freedom would quickly come with the reality that freedom isn't cheap and surviving costs money. Hute ended up moving back home to his Mothers. Upon discovering that Hute announced that he was openly gay, his Step Dad kicked him out of the house. He moved to another state where he met a gay man, whom he tought was very nice. They lived together and began to build a life until Hute began to notice things about his lover. This man was abusive.

One winter afternoon while hanging Christmas lights on the roof of their house, Hute's lover became angry and pushed Hute off of the roof. Hute hit his shoulders and head on the ground which caused a compression to his spine and the beginning of nerve damage. Hute woke up the next day and could not move his legs and was taken to the hospital. The Doctors would discover that Hute had no reflexes and his eyes would not dialate. Hute was not able to urinate on his own anymore and had to be cathed. After a few months of not being able to urinate, Hute was taught how to cath himself. This was devastating for such a young man in the prime of his life and with so much to offer the world, despite all of the troubles he endured to that point.

Hute was diagnosed with three buldged discs and a herniated disc. The damage to his back also pinched and damaged the nerves which made it impossible for him to urninate on his own anymore.

It was some time later when a nurse at his Urologists office suggested a new procedure for Hute. This procedure is called the InterStim. By this time, Hute had a new boyfriend that cared for him very much and was willing to stand by him as he underwent this new procedure. After the stage one of the InterStim, Hute was able to go to the bathroom for the first time in two years. The emotions and tears flew! Hute's companion stood by him every step of the way. When Hute had the stage two InterStim procedure done, his companion took great care of him, checking the incision and making sure all was working right with the control device.

Hute has begun a new and happier life now. He is able to enjoy living inside of a body that is learning to function right again for the first time since his injury. The change in his life is profound.

Hute gave me permission to share his story on this blog, but if I did I had to make it very clear that he did not want me or any other person to feel sorry for him. Not for his horrid childhood. Not for the abusive lover. Not for the feelings he went through because he was unwanted and unloved growing up. He clearly wants no pity for all that he has been through. Hute is goal driven. He is caring. He is a very giving person. He said that he would not change a thing that he has been through in his past because it all brought him to where he is today and to whom he has become as a human being.

You might have guessed by now that "Hute" is not his real name. I wanted to give him a name befitting the bright light that he is to this world. The name "Hute" means 'star'....and I can think of nothing that shines brighter upon us all than a bright star from above. Hute is a soul who's light shines ever so brightly and can only shine even more because of the InterStim! God Bless you, Hute! God Bless the nurse that suggested the InterStim and for Medtronics and the Dr. that did the procedure. A beautiful life has now become even more bright and beautiful because of all that they did...and there are not enough words to say thank you. And, most of all, thank you, Hute, for allowing me to tell your story!

InterStim...It's NOT just a 'girl' thing!

I recently had the privilage of meeting a wonderful young man online who has just gotten his Stage2 InterStim implanted. Yes, I said "man". I won't mention his name, (although he probably wouldn't mind) or share too much, except to say that a couple of years ago he was involved in an accident that resulted in the crushing of the nerves that effect bladder function. I can't even imagine what it must have been like for this young man to go through what he did, and then discover that he would have to cath himself. It must have seemed hopeless. Well, he now has his Stage 2 InterStim and so far so good. His bladder is functioning normally again and no more caths! This road we travel because of bladder problems is not an easy one, but I truly appreciate this young man's willingness to openly talk about what has happened to him and how he is doing...and MOST important, to let other men know that it is perfectly alright to have the InterStim procedure if that is what the Dr. recommends. No man or woman should suffer when such an amazing device is available...and I wish him a long and positive life living as normal as he possibly can again.

The ONLY drawback.

As the days and weeks slip so quickly by and I continue to do well with my InterStim, almost to the point of forgetting that it's even there, I talk to all of my friends online who are suffering with over active bladder and Interstitial Cystitis. I take into myself their pain and distress and wish so badly that they could be as free as I am since having the InterStim procedure. I sleep at least 6 to 7 hours at a time now, when I was lucky to sleep an hour before my procedure and often getting next to no sleep at all for relentless trips to the bathroom all night long. There are far too many people with bladder disease or over active bladder that do not have insurance or enough insurance to even cover expensive medicines, let alone treatment. I suffer for them. I have been blessed with the most amazing blessing I could ever dream of, the InterStim, and at the same time, feel that it is the pain of others that has become the only drawback to this procedure. I want them to have a better quality of life. I want them to experience what I am experiencing. I feel that it is my duty to do everything I can while living and breathing to encourage others who are suffering that there IS hope and light at the end of the tunnel, and that there is always a way through the darkest of situations to a better day. Indeed that is my responsibility. And, if I can ease the pain of one person who is still suffering, if only for a moment, then I have done my job.

My favorite word for the day!

FREEDOM!!! Today I hardly even gave my InterStim a thought. I felt normal. I felt great. I felt FREE!!!

Some of my recent photography from the desert

In the desert there is beauty!

Beauty Among the Thorns

This is a photo that I took last week out in the beautiful Nevada desert near Las Vegas. There are flowers of every shape and kind and form in the desert right now. A beautiful Springtime this year for sure. What I like about this simple photograph is this...there is beauty among the thorns. That's kind of like our lives if you think about it. I began my journey to InterStim because my life was one big thorn. The torture that comes from going to the bathroom so much and all of the time is something that I don't think a person with a normally functioning bladder can relate to. It is complete torture. It tortures you in your sleep and it tortures you during the day when you are trying to function and do your job or run your errands. You just can't live normally when your bladder controls your life. Since having my InterStim I have discovered a normal life again. The improvement to my life has been profound and taken some time to fully realize is real. The awareness that I am not married to the porcelain throne anymore is profound. My life was a thorn but now it has found it's beauty!

The Entry of Spring!

I'm not quite sure why but when Easter rolls around I can't help but think of all of the joy that the beautiful Springtime brings. Long since passed are the days of Autumn when leaves brought forth their glorious colors and faded away to the cold, dark of winter. Here in Las Vegas the month of March has been a cold one. But today as the first few days of April begin, I feel the warmth of this special time of year against my skin and all is well with my soul. I have just completed two weeks of work since having my InterStim and all is going very well. I am sleeping better. No more getting up all night to rush to the rest room and many times, not even making it there in time without an accident and having to change my clothes. I don't miss those days. They were like the dark and horrible winter of my life. I had no life back then but for work and laying in bed praying to God for some sleep. Sleep that never came...that is...until I made the choice to try the InterStim. Now I thank God for this great medical technology that has helped to make me well again. Today I can enjoy Spring. I can enjoy trips to the desert to photograph the wild flowers and not be scared I can't hold my bladder. I can drive to the Lake for lunch or drive across town and not feel frantic for a bathroom. The entry of Spring is the best time of year for a new InterStim patient. I view the world as if it is brand new. I'm seeing life sprout up all around me and I am also a part of that life again. I am forever greatful!

March 27, 2010 Showdown in Searchlight

Saturday was my first real outing since getting my InterStim. I was determined to travel from Las Vegas to Searchlight, Nevada for the Tea Party Express and to see Sarah Palin in person. I didn't know how I would do being post op, but I did really well. I didn't have to run excessively to the port-a-pottys, which was great. As a matter of fact, there must have been 10,000 people there and I ended up beside a woman that was considering the InterStim. How much of a coincidence could that have been? Or was it fate? Perhaps even God had His Hand in that one. I enjoyed speaking to her and even more seeing Sarah Palin and being among a sea of Patriots. I love this country so much and it was awesome to be among so many others that do too and who are not happy with the direction we are going. I saw a sea of American flags billowing in the chilly wind and ate plenty of dust as it was kicked up in that old mining field where we gathered...but I wouldn't have traded that experience for anything in the world. I could never have made the 150 mile round trip without the InterStim. Relentless bathroom visits would have completely ruined it. So I feel blessed. I am greatful for this moment in time that I will never forget. Tears swelled in my eyes more than once...to be among so many Patriots.....this is a memory to last a lifetime. Thank you to my Medtronics Rep and thank you Dr. C.

My First Big Outing Post Surgery to the Tea Party in Searchlight!

Don't be afraid

Lets face it. No one wants to have a surgical procedure. It's difficult enough to know that something is wrong with us and then to add the stress of knowing you will be going through an operation can be stressful, no matter what it is for. You get to the operating room and the atmosphere is cold, sterile, and strange. There are instruments laying out on a table, machines around us and bright spotlights above. People are scurrying around in hospital garb and masks on their faces so that you don't even know who is who. I just want to assure you that each and every person in that room at that time has only one thing in mind and that is 'you'. Every effort will be made to assure your comfort and needs are met. I know that for those of you who are facing an InterStim procedure or other procedure, the thought of going through it can be scarey. Let me assure you that the most important thing that you can do for yourself is to find thoughts that are positive to you and dwell on them. While I was having Stage 1 of the InterStim, the nurse had music playing for me. I was thinking about sitting in a concert hall or even at the beach and listening to the music. Although I was paying attention to the procedure I wasn't dwelling on 'it'. I let my mind go to places that I enjoy....and it made all of the difference in the world. I am so greatful that I have the InterStim and for each nurse and assistant that helped make this possible.

"It's all YOUR fault!"

Have you ever found yourself blaming other people for the circumstances in your life? It might not be their fault at all, yet you still blame them. Well, at my recent visit to the Urologist for a check up on my InterStim I couldn't help but BLAME HIM for my circumstances. When he came into the room and asked how I was doing, I told him,"I'm feeling GREAT and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!"

At present I have my InterStim on program 2 and it is working amazingly. I am getting more and more quality sleep now and feeling better during the day and less tired. I don't have to run to the bathroom every five minutes or fret if I am out that I can't make it to the nearest restroom.

I have to say that it is quite an adjustment to having the InterStim. Your body is almost trained to run to the bathroom every five minutes morning noon and night. But now, it can be three or maybe even four hours passing during the day and I realize, "I haven't gone to the bathroom in awhile." I can shop again, travel across town, and even go back to work this week and know that I don't have that demon of relentless urge on my back.

Yes, I AM feeling better and it IS all my Drs. fault, and I could never thank him enough for what he has done for me. I am a new person...and even losing alittle weight.

I am greatful that he took the leap of faith and I was his first InterStim patient and I will be eternally greatful for my Medtronic Representative. Two of the BEST people on earth!

One Month Stage 2 Post Op

Today is an interesting day for me. I realized that in just two short weeks I will be going back to work and to the land of the living. At present I have been taking things pretty easy, and not doing to much. I've used this time to heal, to read and to think about my life. The InterStim has been a blessing to me because it has prevented me from losing bladder control and it is helping me get better sleep at night. I am still having a minor complication with numbness in my left foot but I will discuss that with my Dr....and it's not all of the time. Today is a cool day in Las Vegas. The wind is blowing and the sky is an amazing blue with a few puffy clouds here and there. It is a perfect day for a hike to the desert which is something that I truly enjoy. Perhaps in a few short weeks I can go exploring my beautiful desert again without having the worries of an over active bladder interrupting my life. I have several health problems, but I plan to tackle them one by one and with an attitude of graditude for each and every Dr. and medical staff that helps me along the way. Life is a journey and working on one's health even more of a journey. I will be going back to work soon. I will be back among coworkers, grumpy customers (and some really nice ones too), and feel alive again.

Before and After

Isn't it amazing how those 'little things' mean so much in our lives? Quiet moments alone or with a friend. A kind word given or received. A gentle rain shower that makes you want to run outside and dance in it. The freedom from relentless trips to the bathroom morning, noon, and night.

On a morning like today I would have gotten up, showered, and peed at least four or five times before leaving the house an hour later. I would have gone shopping at Walmart for an hour and had to pee at least once while there. I would have then gone grocery shopping and had to use their restroom at least once or twice before hitting the checkout. That was BEFORE. But today, AFTER having the InterStim, I got up, peed once, left for Walmart and grocery shopping and didn't have to make several bathroom trips while out. Indeed, I didn't have to go again until I came home, after taking the time to spend $400.00. I like the AFTER so much better...and I will FOREVER be greatful to those who created the InterStim for patients like me who can now enjoy a more normal life!

A Beautiful Thought

"Maybe if I share the path I walk then a little more of your pain will vanish. I want you to heal, whoever you are. I don't care what pain you've brought the world, or it's brought you. I just want yours to subside. No matter what, your path is yours. Don't follow misery or worry. Devote every moment of your life to improving your dreams. Love your world. Cherish the good you do."

Creating our own Destiny

It was a good two years ago, that I seemed to wake up one day and discovered that my physical health was virtually going to pot. With numerous serious health problems piling up one after the other, and Dr. visit after Dr. visit...well it would be enough to bring anybody down. At times I was down alittle, but I decided NOT to stay there.

At my recent visit to the Urologist, my Medtronic Rep said something to me that I didn't fully appreciate until I went home and thought about it. He called me the "poster child for the InterStim."

I thought about what he said and looked to the deeper meaning of it. For me, I could let myself go and become sad that all of these health problems are hitting me. Geeze, my kids are grown and isn't it finally time for me to have some fun? Well, I realized that since having this InterStim and the fact that it is working well for me, I have an obligation to any other person that asks me to let them know how much this has changed my life for the better. I had done my homework and knew that I wanted this procedure even before the Dr suggested it. I watched all of the youtube videos many times over and searched the web. I decided that I would NOT focus on any of the negatives or risks as there are with any surgery, and focus on the positives...the most important being that I would have freedom from relentless trips to the bathroom all day and night. By staying postive I truly believe that I have created a destiny that I like and that I love, despite any present or future health troubles that may come along. So if that makes me a poster child for the InterStim or any other disease that I have, then I will gladly take that responsibility because I owe it to others to let them know that there IS hope and that life CAN be good again.

Viewing the Half Full Glass

Thursday evening I thought I was having what felt like a setback with my InterStim. The urgency was back all night long and drove me crazy. As Friday morning came, I was still having some problems, so I called my Urologist and was instructed to turn the InterStim off for twelve hours and then turn it back on. I went to the world wide web and looked up problems with InterStim, thinking that maybe I would find someone with a simelar problem. I found a message board alright. And, after six or seven messages, I had to quit reading it. Now I am sure all of those complaining people on that message board felt that their problems were valid and that they each had a reason to gripe, but I did NOT want to put all of that negativity into my being. I just couldn't read it. For you see, I don't look to the negative. If there is a problem or a situation, I firmly believe that there is a way to fix it. After having my InterStim off for the twelve hours and then turning it back on, it has worked beautifully again. It would appear that my problem was because of a poor dietary choice and that caused the urgency problem for a few hours afterward. We all have the choice in how we will face the situations in our life. I could have ranted and raved and thrown my own personal hissy, but that is just not my nature. My glass is always half full no matter what. None of us are promised a life of smooth sailing or bliss. We will all face problems or situations and even setbacks. It's up to us how we face each of these as they happen to us. Today I will lift my half full glass and give myself a personal toast to my continued well being because that is exactly what having the InterStim has been for me.