Bitter or Sweet?

Two people walk side by side on a quiet beach. Sharing similar chronic health problems they begin to share with each other about how they are feeling. One person seems to be worsening in mind and spirit and in physical condition, while the other, although still very ill, seems happy and upbeat.

When I went to my Urologist today for a test, I was talking with the nurse about how I am doing so good with my InterStim, yet someone else yesterday decided to try and tear me down because of it. This nurse was very nice to me and said, "You know, some people are just bitter people." I thought about it and decided that she was right. I am an InterStim success story. I should not be sad about that fact. If anything I am trying to share my joy with those who come here to read and to let them know how much further a person can go with a sweet attitude instead of a bitter one. I'm not well. As I type this I am so physically exausted that I'd love to go to sleep, but it's only 4:30 p.m. I slept really well, but I have a feeling that my vitamin D is very low again...so I am tired. It's okay. I will still do all I can to be positive and giving and kind. I will never walk away bitter or let myself get so sad that I want to give up. No matter what my pain.....I walk through it with everything in check....and not an ounce of bitter in me!

No Apologies

This morning I woke up greatful. Why? Because I slept 9 full hours. Since having the InterStim I have gone from having to go to the bathroom every 45 minutes (or less), to getting up once or twice at night...and now last night to sleeping nine hours. I will not apologize for the positive results that I have had from my InterStim implant. For me it is working, and working great. To have someone send me emails saying that my BLOG was not genuine or not telling both sides to a story was very hurtful. This BLOG was created to tell MY story, and should anyone like me to share their positive story as well, I will do that. I don't know if you ever noticed, but when things are going well for a person, you don't much hear about it. But the minute things aren't going so good, all they do is complain and bicker, and feel sorry for themselves. I have plenty of health problems that could cause me to sit in my corner and ask God and the cosmos, "WHY ME???" but I choose not to do that.

As you know many people contract cancer. They go on treatments such as chemo and radiation. Not everyone who subjects themselves to these treatments will do so well. Some will become very ill, while others will fare pretty well. Some people will find their cancers getting better while for others, it will be worse. There are NO GUARANTEES in this life.

I truly hope and pray that the person who treated me so horridly last night will continue to read my BLOG and to realize that each person who gets InterStim treatment may very well have a different story to tell. And that's okay. Just because I choose to take the positive approach to my health problems does not mean that I am not very compassionate and concerned for those who aren't doing as well. I do care. I care very much. I probably care too much sometimes. But at the same time I am going to continue this BLOG and share MY story. I kind of believe that there are thousands of people out there that have had a positive outcome with their InterStim, and for whatever reason, they do not take the time to sit down and share their story like I am taking the time to do. Maybe they are out there getting on with their lives and appreciating what has happened to them, for the InterStim is a great gift, and I cannot be the only person that realizes that.

I will not talk about this person who hurt me yesterday any further on this BLOG. I will not go into the dark pit of negativity where people are so blinded by their problems that they couldn't see so much as a glimmer of light shining on them. I am done with this conversation and am moving on. People don't have to read this BLOG if they don't want to. If I have any problems with my InterStim, I will talk through them and fix them, and move on, because things could happen. I could take a fall one day and damage a lead wire or something. I pray that doesn't happen, but I know that I would get through it if it did. I will make no apologies for being a success story.

The Lone Approach

A couple of weeks ago I recieved a shocker. My oldest sister is heading to prison. She has never portrayed herself to me for her entire life as anything but an extremely religious person, so imagine my shock to have to come to terms with her not being who she let me believe she was. And, as if that weren't enough, a few days ago my daughter's community of Wadena, Minnesota was half blown away by a tornado. The high school is completely gone. Half of the businesses and homes are gone. In a matter of moments everything was destroyed. As well, tonite I was viciously attacked for the approach I am taking on this BLOG. I will not repeat the unkind words except to say they hurt me very much and were unwarranted. I have created this BLOG for the purpose of sharing my story and the stories of anyone who would like me to share them. This is not a forum for the debate about the pros or cons of the InterStim, Medtronics, IC, or ANYthing. This is simply my story and how I choose to tell it. One of the nicest things the person who attacked me said, and still it wasn't very nice, was that I was not genuine because I didn't tell all sides of the story. She went on to cite some of her negatives about her experience. Well, to that I say, you are more than welcome to create your own BLOG and rant until the cows come home. We all have that right. Personally I choose to take a positive approach, whether she or anyone likes it or not. It's the only approach that works for me, and I know it is helping me on my solitary walk though this life. We each have a right to express how we feel in whatever format we choose. This BLOG is my lone approach to my experience with Bladder issues and the InterStim. If it doesn't jive with someone elce's approach that is nothing I can do anything about. I choose to be positive and to find the good. Life is not easy. No matter how together we are with other people and with the world....when it comes right down to it, we are each very much alone in our bodies and have to deal with things in ways that no other person might have to. My lone approach is to walk the solitary beach of life with as much positive energy as I can muster....until I can muster no more and shame on anybody who has to make an issue of that. They will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Retraining Our Mind and Spirit!

Hello Friends. Before you read the post about 'Finding Kate' please scroll down to the post just below it and read 'Retraining Our Mind and Spirit'.....it is the beginning of Kate's story....and in the future I will be sharing more about Kate...but for now...do read the second posting first. Thanks. Your comments are always welcome. We are in this jouney together!

Finding "Kate"

Dear Penny,

Thank you for sending me the postive word replacement challenge. I've been working on it every day! Awhile back I posted (on Facebook) that I had 'lost me', and I wanted to find 'me' again. Well, since I have replaced that negative feeling with a positive awareness, it just came to me the other day...I haven't lost me, I found the me that has been screaming out for me to pay some attention to myself. I've always put others first, always. I've always given 110% to my job. I've always been the organizer, the doer, the person that others would come and dump projects on because they knew I would devote 110% to it while they sat back and took some 'self time'. The diseases I am suffering with have forced me to take notice of the little girl and the beautiful lonely person inside of me. IC has forced me to come to the front of the class (so to speak), and give myself some personal time. I never used to give myself time to nap or rest because there was always something that needed to be done for someone and right NOW! I've finally had time to give to me. My family whom I have served for most of my life have found time in their days to help me along this journey of discovering me.

I think your positive lesson was the spark that lit a fire to my need for awareness. It's not a selfish awareness at all. I've learned to praise myself and tell myself that I AM a GREAT PERSON inside AND out and great people take time to nurture one another. I have found a sense that I am my own personal hero. I like what I see! I like to give, but realize that I must fill my own bucket first!"

Love,

Kate

Retraining Our Mind and Spirit!

I am like many of you. I have Interstitial Cystitis and I have the InterStim. Since joining Facebook, I have met and formed a 'sisterhood' of friends who are also sufferers of Interstitial Cystitis, as well as one 'brother' that also has this incurable bladder disease. The bonds with these friends are deep and real and have become an important part of my life. I want to tell you about one particular 'IC Sister' (as we call ourselves) and share part of her journey here with you. She has given me permission to share with you. I am going to call her "Kate".

I must first start out by telling you about a concept I discovered some time ago while reading a book. The author of the book was the Psychic Sylvia Browne. The purpose of telling you this is not to promote Sylvia Browne in any way, shape, or form. I do find some of the things she has to say helpful but I don't take everything she says completely to heart. That being said, she devoted a portion of the book I was reading to women and their problems with low self-esteem. If you are like me, this is a part of ourselves as women that we are constantly fighting a battle with. If it's not the issue of our hair, it's an issue of our weight. If it's not this, it's that! We have this inner part of ourselves that is always questioning ourselves, even telling us that maybe we don't quite measure up to others. Well, Sylvia Browne stated in her book that whenver we had a 'negative' thought about ourselves we MUST IMMEDIATELY say FIVE GOOD THINGS about ourselves. At first I thought to myself, "how stupid is this?"...but then I caught myself and said, let me say five good things about the idea. I forget exactly what I said back then, but the concept stuck, and over a very short period of time, every time I had a negative thought about myself or someone else, I would immediately say five good things about me or them. This simple practice completely changed my life and my thinking and completely eliminated my poor self-esteem issues forever.

My friend Kate has been having a very difficult time. Her IC has been so bad that the pain has robbed her of much of her life. It has robbed her of the job she loved and dedicated her life to. It has robbed much of her home and family life. IC is no respector of these things. The pain it can cause as the disease progresses is very debilitating. The pain IC causes is very very much real. When a person is in pain, weary, and seeing the active life they once knew being replaced by more time in bed with heating pads and not having enough energy to do even the simplest of things some days, it can weigh very heavily on the spirit. It is very important to talk about our pain and what we are going through. After all, this pain IS a part of our life now, and I firmly believe that we need to bring awareness to this disease and pray for a cure. Kate was not having it easy. Not at all. I want to share some of her comments here on this blog, and I apologize if it feels like I am writing a book, but this is so important and worth sharing. I will begin her story in a new thread, simply called "Finding Kate"

Interstitial Cystitis and the Cystoscopy

If I sound like I am a broken record it is because this broken record is truly greatful. Greatful for a Dr. that is exceptional. He is a true professional and as far as I am concerned, top of his class.

Today I had my third cystoscopy for the purpose of checking the condition of the inside of my bladder and the progression of my Interstitial Cystitis. For those of you who do not know what a cystoscopy is, there are a number of ways the procedure can be done. My Dr. performs the cystoscopy in his office in a special room that is set up for the procedure.

As a patient you must strip down below the waist and lay on a table. You must scoot to the end of the table. Underneath where your bottom is, is a stainless steel pan to catch the fluid that will be put in your bladder during the procedure.

The nurse preps you by spraying a pain killer on you and inserting the first instrument. Then the Dr. comes in and inserts the camera into the bladder. It is not painful, just slightly uncomfortable for about two seconds. Once in the bladder he fills the bladder with fluid and there is a light so that you can see the inside of the bladder on the color screen. I always watch. My Interstitial Cystitis looked about the same to me, if not slightly better. I did ask what some large flesh colored patches were and he said that they were scar tissue that formed because my bladder had been working too hard. The blisters are clearly evident inside my bladder if not bigger in some areas. The Dr said he saw no evidence of cancer, but wants to see me again for another cystoscopy 'sooner' rather than 'later'....which will be in December. I believe he will biopsy me again at that time. My InterStim was on and it would have been a chore to turn it off for a biopsy......so that will most likely be done in December. The last time there was no cancer in the blisters, so I'm pretty confident that I'll be okay until I am checked again in December.

For anyone who will be facing a cystoscopy, do not be afraid. It does not hurt and it's very interesting to see how your body is doing.

I am greatful for my Dr.!

Doing Great

Today I had a four month follow up check up with my Urologist for my InterStim. His office is on the far side of Las Vegas, and it's about a 40 minute dive by freeway from where I live. As I was driving and listening to music in my truck, I was also thinking alot. I realized how my life had changed from just four short months ago. Back then I was getting up every 45 minutes all night long to go to the bathroom, often times not even making it there in time. I described this relentless urge to my Dr. today that it must be like what a drug addict feels....it is an urge that just takes over your entire life and you can't get any peace from it. I was also lucky enough to meet the new Medtronic Rep for the Las Vegas area, which was really an awesome coincidence! I talked to her alittle and told her that I truly was greatful that my Dr. took a leap of faith and did this procedure for me. It's embarrassing to tell your Dr. how much you are suffering, and I guess I had put that conversation off for so long, that when I finally brought it up, I told him I couldn't take it anymore. I hate to think of others who might be too embarrassed to talk about their excessive urgency problems, and who just suffer with it. I often talk about the difference the InterStim has made in my life and I am amazed at the amount of people who say they are having the same urgency problem or know of someone who is that I used to have. I think to myself, it's so easy to talk to a Dr. about the problem, and then I remember that I, myself, was a bit hesitant. I am doing so well now that I don't ever want to forget what life was like before my InterStim and I never want to take it for granted that my life is so much better now than it has been in years. There IS help availible out there for people who suffer from relentless visits to the bathroom day and night. I found it through the InterStim.....and I am doing GREAT!

Getting on with life

Recently my favorite music group, Air Supply was in Las Vegas for three nights. I was able to attend all three concerts and NOT have to worry about having to rush to the bathroom. Infact, I did so well, that I actually purchased a bottle of water all three nights to enjoy during the concerts! I never want to take for granted the blessing of the InterStim in my life!