Facing the Enemy....My Family

I am not smiling as I write these words today. No, not smiling at all. Recently I reconnected with a sister on facebook and she shared this photo of me. At first glance one might think that this is a lovely family from the 1950's. But look again. Two beautiful little girls...in the arms of monsters. These little girls are my older sister and me. Anna was my mother and Henry was my stepfather. It looks strange to see him holding me in his arms, considering all he did to me as I grew up to the age of 14 when I left home for good. I look at my sister there and cannot forget about how he used her for his sexual pass time whenever he wanted. And to see my mother sitting there with a smile on her face, considering how she turned away and did nothing during all of the abuse. If anything, her turning away was every bit as bad or worse than what he did.

I slept in urine. I had my face rubbed in urine. I was repeatedly thrown down the stairs. I was forced to sleep in the barn with the mice, rats, and cow and pig manure. I was beaten so badly that a tractor was tipped over on both him and me and then he beat me more. I shoveled snow at midnight until I was frost bitten. I was bloodied, battered, and bruised on a daily basis. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the pain or take the lack of love and protection from my mother. She didn't care. She didn't even care about her grandchildren. She was unfit and so was he.

They are both dead now. They can't hurt anyone anymore. As bad as it was, I had to forgive them. They have to answer for all that they did. I only answer for myself.

He beat me because I couldn't hold my bladder. It wasn't my fault...and today I know that. Too bad I had to go through all he put me through to get to this point in my life....no child should have to live with enemies like this....but I did.